What's Age Got To Do With It?

“Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact.”
― William James, The Will to Believe : and Other Essays in Popular Philosophy 

Last week I was hanging out with a neighbor friend while our kids were playing talking about, ummmm...yeah...running. She's run several marathons, but runs fairly on and off.  She's planning on running Phoenix RnR this January, so we were talking training as she tried to talk me into joining her in Phoenix. At some point we got on the subject of age. She's a couple age divisions younger than me (five year divisions;) and when she heard how old I am she coughed out her coffee all over the deck and said "Get out!".

I get this reaction fairly often, and I think it's my general attitude and immaturity that inspires it rather than my youthful appearance. But I'm never entirely sure how to respond - I mean, how old am I supposed to look/act? Am I so old that when someone looks at me they should think "Yep, She's old". You know the situation: You walk past a nice older couple walking together or an older runner bounding along a trail, and you think, "Oh, when I'm THAT OLD I hope I look and act like that". Well, should people running by me think that about me? Yikes, I say!

Well, I don't feel old. I don't feel the way I thought I'd feel when I was young thinking about what it would be like to be the age I am now. Sure I get all nervous about getting old, how the time passes faster and faster, and how I'm probably going to suddenly feel old one day. But this is nothing new for me - I've been feeling this way since I was 27 - my first "mid-life crisis". And yet that day, which should have come years ago, at this point is still no where in sight.

In fact I feel better today than I did when I was 27 years old. I'm stronger, smarter, happier, more focused, more balanced, and more motivated to kick my own butt in gear - after all - I can't possibly have much more time left, can I?

This is what I hear from other runners: First, there's those who say: Oh, goody, all I need to do is keep running and when I'm 50 I'll be able to qualify for Boston. Clearly the 20/30-somethings see the qualifying times for us 'older' folks as easily attainable and think it's gotta be a gimme. But wait, we're pretty schizo on this. On the other side, are some of the older runners (and mostly non-runners) I know who believe that they can't really run or push themselves the way they wish they could (or at all) and/or use their age as an excuse not to push themselves. Now, if they just don't want to, that's fine - but let's stop using age as an excuse. Age itself is not a disability or a disease. In many cultures age is respected and revered. In ours it is pitied and dreaded.

What I've found in my area of the country is that the 40 and 50 year-old women kick butt at races. I don't know why we don't notice this more. I think if we focused a lot more on what 'older' people continue to accomplish, and focus less on the "culture of youth" we would have a happier, healthier, more vibrant society as a whole. I ran two races last month, a 5K and a Half Marathon, and in both races I would have placed higher (I place 3rd in my age group, 40-49, for both races) if I had been in the 20-29, or 30-39 age groups. What's up with that? That issue may be another blog post, but the fact remains, that I can and will continue to push myself in running, and all other things that matter to me, until they carry me out feet first.

Life has the depth and breadth that you bring to it. A full life can last a full life time. Improving on my pre-masters PRs will remain my goal for a few more years. Maybe I'm a little fool and a dreamer who's in deep, deep denial. But as William James argued, in terms of our lived experience, we create our reality through our beliefs. I refuse to get old just because others tell me to.

“Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.”
― William James

So Here's The Problem: I Never Puke!

The last mile and a half of the Denver Rock n Roll Half Marathon is downhill - and if there's one thing I'm not totally sucky at, it's running downhill. I've got plenty in the tank, and so I turn it on - my last mile is about 7:10 (overall pace was 7:50), and I'm feeling fine. At the very end I'm in a pack of four or five women. The crowd yells "come on ladies!" I'm not really racing them (they all look to be in their 20s), my goal is a NYC qualifier (1:44 for my age, and I came in at 1:42:49). But as usually we all duke-it-out to the wire. One young woman catches me in the last second, crosses the timing mats, bends
over and pukes her guts out! 

Here she is, bottom center

"NICE job!" I think to myself - I don't actually pat her on the back and tell her this because, well, she's puking. But jeeze, why don't I ever puke my guts out at the end of a race? Why am I so weak, so wimpy, so bloody conservative? This young woman gave it all she had. I can't imagine how she must have felt in the seconds before the finish - and she still got by me. What's wrong with me? I gotta get some grit, some killer instinct.

I'm running a couple 10ks in the coming weeks - and I have to say that this distance is not my current favorite - It hurts me more than halfs and marathons - but my goal right now is to work on my speed, and I don't do that very well unless there's some pressure. So races are a good way for me to push it. But here's the problem: I'm still not really pushing it. Oh, I may think I am in the moment, but then I feel fresh as a daisy the day after a race and run a nice 'recovery' ten miler! Puking aside, if I can run 10 miles the next morning then I clearly didn't run the race very hard. When I was younger I raced with all I had in me - and the next day I could barely walk, never mind run. Can I still do that? I wonder.

So, here I say it, for all the world to see: I want to run these races 'til I puke. Well, maybe, or maybe not - but at least I want to be just a little sore and tired after the race. Clearly my belief that I'm push it is bogus. I want to see if I still have it in me to really try hard and risk blowing up, or perhaps really succeeding. I've been playing it too safe. Well, no more...

National Take Your Daughter Running Day: October 1st, 2011

On National Coffee Day, and I love coffee, I want to announce a new national holiday:
                              National Take Your Daughter Running Day.

Hey, why not - I mean, who started National Coffee Day, or National Speak Like A Pirate Day, Arrrrr.

I say that this day should be October 1st - Which is this coming Saturday.

Why October 1st - Well, all runners know that autumn is the season of running (I think spring ranks second). We runners love the cool, crisp mornings, yellow and red trees bright against a gray sky, crunchy leaves soften each step and make us feel like kids again - Ah, running through piles of leaves. Each footfall releases the comforting, energizing, crispy aroma of fall.  And, while October 1st may not be the official first day of Fall, it still feels as though the passing of September ushers in Fall in earnest.

October 1st is also the birthday of Grete Waitz (1953) - and as a pioneer of women's running, I think this might be an appropriate honor.

There are disturbing tends at work in our culture (United States) that seem to be encouraging girls to sit back, passively and let life happen to them. It is our job to show them other, better ways. To discover and create who they are - who they want to be - to feel and know their power, their potential, their brilliance...

In a recent Christian Science Monitor article, Little girls or little women: The Disney princess effect, Stephanie Hanes notes that: "Girls are participating in sports at a much increased level in grade school," says Sharon Lamb, a professor of education and mental health at the University of Massachusetts, Boston. But, she adds, they start to drop out of sports at the middle school level when they start to believe that sports are unfeminine and unsexy.
The Women's Sports Foundation found that 6 girls drop out of sports for every 1 boy by the end of high school, and a recent Girl Scout study found that 23 percent of girls between the ages of 11 and 17 do not play sports because they do not think their bodies look good doing so.
And looking good, Ms. Lamb says, is increasingly tied to what it means to play. Star female athletes regularly pose naked or seminaked for men's magazines; girls see cheerleaders (with increasingly sexualized routines) on TV far more than they see female basketball players or other athletes...This "sexy babes" trend is a big one.
"For young women, what has replaced the feminine mystique is the hottie mystique," Ms. Coontz says. "Girls no longer feel that there is anything they must not do or cannot do because they're female, but they hold increasingly strong beliefs that if you are going to attempt these other things, you need to look and be sexually hot."

So let's all take our daughters for a run this coming Saturday - Let's show them another way - let's celebrate the energy and the magic of our girls. Let's help them discover that they are strong and can do anything they set their minds and hearts to.

Running to a Better World

I firmly believe that the world would be a better place if all people, young and old, male and female, would and could run. Now that's a fairly bold assertion, and one I'm sure many would take issue with. As I've mentioned in earlier posts, there are people who proclaim confidently and loudly that they hate, yes hate, running. They will run if chased, but otherwise, no thank you. I, on the other hand believe that the world would be a happier, healthier, more compassionate place, if more people ran. Yet, the empirical evidence may not be there to support my claim. So what are my reasons? Why stand on my high horse professing the virtue of running? Why do I feel this urge to push my views on everybody else? Why don't I just shut-up and run, and let others do as they wish?

Well, I'm not going to force anyone to run. I won't even say that you should run (and should implies an ought). But I do believe that as members of human society, we each have a right and perhaps a duty to try to persuade others to do what is good for themselves and those around them - and with that view follows the consequence, that you may feel free to try to persuade me if you feel otherwise. I say persuade - not force, badger, coerce, threaten - but simply to argue (not fight) in a search for a better life and a better world.

John Start Mill argued that when there are more happy individuals in the world there is more overall happiness. Moreover, as a Utilitarian, he argues that it is our moral duty to act in a way that creates more happiness not just for ourselves, but for everyone. Aristotle believed that as social beings we need society and depend upon it for our development and the pursuit of our ultimate end (aim or goal) which is Eudaimonia - a flourishing, complete life. As such, it is our job as members of society to encourage the exercise of the virtues. A good society and state encourages the virtues. A corrupt society and state encourages the vices. So, I'm just here to do my part, and perhaps my duty.

So, to continue: I believe the world would be a happier, better place if most/more people ran regularly. By regularly I'd say, oh, perhaps 4-6 days a week. It doesn't matter how fast or slow you run - just run (I suppose that hiking, walking, rock climbing, cross country skiing and other vigorous, yet contemplative, activities could also suffice). Why do I think this?  I'm not going to pull out the old endorphin argument - we all already know all about that. That argument only strengthens my position - but I believe I have a strong claim beyond the endorphin angle.   What I'm talking about the effect that being in and moving our bodies through the world has on us, our relationships with others and our feelings about our environment.

I know, for myself, that after I run I am much more: relaxed, energized, patient, concerned, clear-headed, motivated, focused, satisfied, etc. with myself and everyone around me. It's not like I'm a jerk before I run, at least I don't think I am, but running gives me the time and space to sort things out so that I am better able to pay greater attention to the important things in life. Additionally, I care more about my natural surroundings because I'm out there every day, in all weather, through every seasons. I'm out there when I'm feeling depressed, and when I'm feeling satisfied and hopeful. Running forces me to leave the safe isolation of my own little world. Running is also simple, and it is slow enough to allow you to really see, smell, feel, taste, and hear what is happening around you, yet fast enough to require effort and fortitude.

But - the naysayer retort - who am I to say that my experience would apply to others? This is a fair question. As a philosophy (and logic) instructor I should know better then to rely on the example of my experience which amounts to nothing more than a hasty generalization (insufficient and unrepresentative sample varieties) to advance my argument. I could try to strengthen my argument by adding the additional claim that I know a lot of runners, I'd estimate, several thousand.  But that helps little given the fact that there are around 7 billion people in the world right now.

So, what do I have left? I guess all I really have is a weak argument that relies basically on a vision, a feeling, an intuition, rational or irrational, about how people work and the sort of creatures we are - animals that need to move (among other things) - something we tend to lose sight of in our technology obsessed age. You may take it or leave it. But, I will ask the naysayers to try out my way before they poo-poo it - for their argument may suffer from similar fallacious reasoning - they haven't really given it a chance before drawing their conclusions.  I think once they really give it a try, they too will be convinced.

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If more people ran, the world would be a better place because: Running allows you to run away when you need to and to run back when you are ready. Running takes you out into your world as the animal you really are and connects you to the world. You see the trees, the buildings, the people, the dogs, the birds, the sky, the cracks in the sidewalk,  - seasons change, clouds move through the sky, rivers rise and fall, snow flies, flowers bloom. You feel your own cold breath move through your throat on a frosty morning, and the heat of your blood beneath your skin on a hot afternoon. You know the warmth of the first breath of spring, and the shiver of the first chill of autumn. You smell mud, grass, smoke, dust, diesel fumes, heat rising off of the pavement, rain soaking into the ground.  In winter ice forms on you brow and the hairs of your upper lip.  In the summer you can taste the salt of your effort. You run to survive the death of a loved one, to heal from a failed relationship, and to celebrate a birth on a new life. But, you also see trash carelessly tossed in gutters, angry aggressive drivers, dead animals, feted streams, fields of wildflowers plowed under for new development.  Day in, and day out, you feel pain, power, humility, weakness, strength, invincibility, fear, hope, sadness, wonder...elation.

Running may not make you a good and happy person, but it may offer an opportunity to discover or create that in yourself. Running may just wake you up. Perhaps even shake you up, if you're paying attention.

Recently I was told that I am idealistic and unrealistic (and perhaps naive) because I believe runners should sometimes run races for charity not because they gain entry into the Boston Marathon or the New York City Marathon, but just because it's a good thing to do. I was told that people just don't do that. I don't buy it.  I believe that running has the power to wake us from our dogmatic slumber as we realize that we are part of the world community, part of the natural environment, part of our town, neighborhood, country -  and we have the ability to do some good in a world that sometimes feels so big, where we often feel so powerless. 

Running makes you feel alive. When you are running you are alive, and, you know it. You have energy and power, and sometimes you may even feel that you can change the world. So now, let's go out and do some good in the world...

http://giverunning.org/default.aspx
http://sunflowermission.org/press/2009/Race_With_Heart
http://www.backonmyfeet.org/
http://www.shoe4africa.org/

Addendum: I posted the video above because I think the sentiment is spot on. I hope NIKE will practice what it preaches and promises here. Thus far, the company's record is has not been a shining beacon of hope. We runners might want to encourage NIKE to do the right thing around the world - pay living wages, provide safe working conditions, and refrain from sponsoring athletes (ie. Micheal Vick) who contradict the message they're making above (can sport please kick the ass of animal abuse too?). Let them know what you think...@  http://www.nikebiz.com/contact/

Reflections on Running and Motherhood

Sunday morning dawns like any other Sunday morning (a non-racing Sunday, that is). Sunday is normally my rest day - at least I don't run - which means I can sleep in a bit, and I'm always home to wake-up my daughter. After a leisurely breakfast with the family, I'm off for a couple hours of climbing at the rock gym. My husband and daughter join me a bit later. My daughter climbs, swings on the ropes, slides down the slide, dances around, and just has fun as I do some easy cool downs. 

On this particular Sunday a large birthday party is in the making. The rock gym is a popular kid's party option. I recognize the birthday girl and her parents, though I can't quite place them. Over the course of the next 15 minutes, children stream into the gym. Before I notice, Sophia sees some of her friends - in fact, most of her neighborhood friends are attending this party of epic proportions. One friend invites her to join - but we do not really know the birthday girl - and Sophia has not been invited to the party. She gradually begins to sense that something is not right here. Why are all her friends invited? Why isn't she invited? For the first time ever, I feel like the worst mother in the world.

One of the moms, who is a friend of mine and the mother of one of Sophia's best friends, waves and tries to talk with me. I look her in the eye and say: "I hope you can understand that I need to get Sophia out of here NOW". She nods, understandingly, a tinge of pity in her eyes, as I whisk my sobbing 4 year-old away.

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So what's the problem here? Why am I feeling like the worst mother in the world? Well, I am not your typical mother. Running sometimes, just sometimes, interferes with other activities - it sometimes means that my daughter and I don't do other things. Of course choices must be made constantly, but there is still this niggling concern that I'm somehow letting my daughter down and sacrificing her healthy and happy development all to allow me to squeeze in a couple more miles. Yikes, what could be more selfish, more unnatural!

I'm a fairly committed runner (if you tell me that I shouldn't go for a run I will kick you in the shin) and by some people's standards, I might be considered a 'bad' mother because I take important time for myself. Motherdom is full of martyrs. Though it's clear from the number of "mommy runner" blogs out there that I am not alone - yet, the question remains:  Can you be a committed runner and a good mother at the same time? Well, that all depends on how you define "good mother".

                 Sophia ready to roll. This is how we loved to spend our mornings.

My daughter is very aware that mommy loves to run - in fact mommy really has got to have her run. Perhaps it's the same for children of drug addicts - there's a kind of preternatural understanding that my daughter has. She doesn't question my desire/need to run - she sees this as natural - it's all she's known.  After all, she started running with me at 5 weeks old and I ran through most of my pregnancy.

Now here's the problem: One of the things (good) mothers do, that I'm really not so into, are playgroups. I would probably avoid them even if I didn't run, but running makes it tough to get to a 9 a.m. meeting without arriving a stinking, sweaty mess. When Sophia was younger, we were often out running together during playgroup time. Sometimes we would run to a playgroup, me pushing the blue BOB, Sophia reading and snacking and napping along the way. But I always felt that I somehow violated the other moms's sensibilities, or that I was a bit of a freak, an oddity - the other moms "Ooo-and- Aaaa" over my extraordinary feat of endurance and discipline - they often commented on how they could never find time to do such a thing -  I tried to fit in, but I just didn't.

I try to fit in, but I just don't.

I never really understood that this might be a big deal - at least for my daughter (I'm well aware of my own social awkwardness) - after all she's very social - she began school at 2 1/2 because she really wanted to go to school, and she has lots of friends. But on that Sunday morning I realized that running interfered with playgroup opportunities - and in American suburbia, playgroup culture is a big deal. Moms do "girl's/mom's night out", there's the group camping trips, and, of course, birthday parties. Sophia was not invited to this birthday party because I had neglected her playgroup social development. And here it was, for all the world to see. Oh, the shame of it.

Well, we all make choices. None of us can be and do all things, and so I must accept the choices I've made and make peace with them and understand that I am doing what I believe is best for my daughter.  I believe that I am setting a good example. I am taking care of myself and her. I want her to always care for herself as well as for those she loves. I want her to be strong, to pursue her passions, to decide how she wants to live her life. I do not want her to grow up to be a woman who sacrifices all of herself for others - that just hurts everyone involved.  I live according to my principles and values.  I'm not perfect, far from it, but I try my best - it's the best I can do - and I love my daughter to the moon and back.

The Big Myth: Running is Boring

I have a confession to make: I am never bored when I'm running. My friends and neighbors, and even some family members, wonder if perhaps I have some strange super human powers that allow me to deal with extreme boredom as I venture out on four hour runs, sans IPod (Um, I don't own one), and manage to return home without somehow morphing into a screaming lunatic from the shear tedium of it all. And yet week after week, year after year, I return, swing open back gate and drag my tired, satisfied mind and body home, seemingly unscathed. 

Clearly there must be something wrong with me.
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The ad in Runner's World for the "Tougher Muddy" series proclaims in large, bold, burning red letters that "MARATHONS ARE BORING".  The "Warrior Dash" promises "The craziest frickin' day of your life". "Spartan Race" organizers explain that: "Spartans believed while on this earth they should achieve one moment of Excellence and understood they might die trying!" (that's not exactly true, but whatever. It sounds good) and they ask: "Are you unbreakable?".  Then there's the "Muddy Buddy" where legends are made: "They were average men...Now they are obstacle conquering, trail running, mountain biking, cape flying champions...watch out ladies." Aside from the sexist message, what exactly are these brave men champions of?  What sort of 'excellence' is achieved? And, no, you are not unbreakable!

Call me a grump, but these sound more like a frat party gone bad than any sort of serious (even seriously fun) competition that involves real challenge and real risk. Marathons are serious fun - that is, they require a fairly serious approach no matter who you are and what your goals may be. And they're fun in a twisted sort of way that can only be understood by those who have been there.
 
But one message seems to shine through with all the "obstacle course" "adventure" races:  Running is boring. Running is so, so very old. We really are beyond all that and we need new, real challenges.  Is this true? What is the appeal of this new breed of competition? Are these races actually targeted at runners, or some other sort of human creature? 
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For non-runners, and some new runners, when they think of running they think: boredom. There you are, out on the road putting one foot in front of the other and repeating and repeating, mile after mile, 180 steps per minute. For a four hour run that 43,200 steps - just steps, and after all that you usually just end up exactly where you started from. The most excitement I get is facing down an aggressive pack of cyclists dead-set on running me into a ditch. Or a car playing chicken with me. Or, perhaps the growling dog that's running loose with a broken chain still attached to his collar. Mostly, though, it's me moving through the world putting one foot in front of the other.

Over my 30+ years of running I am constantly asked: "Don't you find running boring?" Or better yet, the condescending comment: "Oh, I just find running so boring." The implication here, of course, is that I'm such a simpleton that I don't even get bored doing something as inherently boring as running. Well, sorry to say, I have a lot of interesting things to think about - in fact, it's seemingly endless - at least I haven't found the end yet.

One of the problems with running is that it's hard. Putting one foot in front of the other is not on its own that difficult, but repeating it thousands upon thousands of time in row is tough. I believe that people tend to confuse 'difficult' with 'boring; as in, if something feels hard then they think it's boring.  As a philosophy instructor, I see this confusion all the time. Students find the material difficult, so they think that the problem is with the material (it's boring which is why they don't understand it), when the problem is actually with them (they really have no desire to do what needs to be done to understand the material). So with the rising popularity of all these new 'adventure' races, are the glory days of running behind us? 

I posed a couple questions to my Facebook friends (and some real blood-and-bones friends) and asked them: 1) What is the appeal of these "adventure" races? and; 2) Do you get bored running? The response to both questions was overwhelming and vehement.

On question #1 - several common themes surfaced in favor of the new races: "new challenge", "they are different and not boring", "fun", "crazy", "on the bucket list", "it's different", "cross training". For those who would never consider doing an "adventure" race of this type (I am not taking about tough trail races, but "obstacle course" races) the single theme that came through with each response was: I don't want to get hurt or waste my time because my running goals are too important to me.

To question #2 - Most runners who have been running for many years claim they never get bore running. They use their time running to get outside, listen to and enjoy nature, think about stuff they need to think about. One friend responded; "I used to think running was boring until I started running!" New runners or more occasional runners were more mixed, citing the need to have music and new routes - and some 'adventure" races thrown in - to keep things interesting.

So, are marathons boring or are they just really fairly hard? They do hurt. The training is arduous and committing. So, is the appeal of these new 'races' the challenge or just good old fashioned fun. Are the organizers really marketing to runners? Now, don't start calling my an uptight, obsessed runner who takes it all and herself too seriously (though I probably am), but it seems that we are comparing apples and oranges - and the fact remains that maybe, just maybe, these 'adventure races' won't test you the way a good ol' marathon will - or a 5k, 10k, etc. where you really push yourself to your limit when you just want to stop. But I suppose that if these races draw the crowds away from marathons, then it will be easier for the rest of us (runners) to secure a spot. And that's fine with me.

And, by the way, Spartans began training their male children to be warriors from the age of seven. Their culture left nothing of great value behind and it lasted a very short time. They did manage to take down a flourishing democracy - Athens - a city state that, in a span of several decades, managed to create wonders of art, architecture, philosophy, political theory, theater, and, literature. As Aristotle aptly commented:  'It is the standards of civilized men not of beasts that must be kept in mind, for it is good men not beasts who are   capable of real courage. Those like the Spartans who concentrate on the one and ignore the other in their education turn men into machines and in devoting themselves to one single aspect of city's life, end up making them inferior even in that."

Hmmmm. I don't want to be a Spartan and I don't want to live in ancient Sparta. I think I'll just keep right on running.

One Decision Made

Well the dithering and muttering will cease for a bit. As a follow up to my last post, I've decided to let my gut and the little voice inside my head decide.

My little voice whispers ceaselessly to me these days. This little voice whispers to me in the middle of the night. It whispered to me during a 3 a.m. run this past week and later during a 4 a.m. run. It whispered to me while I ran through the heat, humidity, grime and traffic of New Jersey. It whispered to me when I sat gazing out at the runway in Chicago with clouded, sleep deprived eyes while waiting to board my fourth flight of the week. It whispered to me as I looked at my mother, thin and frail from too much poison being pumped into her body. Enough. I am human after all, and this is all just too much right now. I give. I will stay sane. I will stay sane.

So my gut and the little voice say: "Don't run a marathon this fall, at least don't run the Denver Rock n Roll Marathon - run the half instead". But this is not just an irrational decision based on feeling and a completely spent emotional state. There's always reason beneath emotion, the challenge is to unearth the rational in what seems irrational. This race is not a race I'm jazzed about - and it never was. My idea of a good marathon is not one that weaves it's way through an urban environment - unless it's NY or Boston, or Chicago or London. When the RnR folks released the details on the new course this week it looked like a hodgepodge of twists and turns, and heres and theres, and round and rounds, and I could only think to myself - "Eeewwww". Not very inspiring I'm afraid.

So, I have reason and emotion on my side. And though this is not an easy decision to make, make it I have. I do not back out of things easily. I usually take it as a sign of weakness and lack of commitment - a character flaw (of which I have many). But in this case, I know it's the right thing for me - and it's taken more strength to make that decision then the strength required to push on in spite of it all.

I tell my daughter over and over again that her stubbornness is a strength, but it can also work against her if it's not used properly - if she remains steadfast when doing so only hurts her or gets in the way of what she really wants, then her strength becomes a weakness. Well, it's now time for me to take my own advice.