Wednesday, October 4, 2017

One Last Chance

 “There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.” ~ Paulo Coelho
This will be short - not something usually said of anything I write - but I have a race to pack and plan for, and I leave tomorrow.

The past few weeks have been crammed to the brim with life: Lots of work, getting the kiddo set for her first ever sleep away multi-day school trip in the mountains, helping my mother who's 2000 miles away sort out buying a new house and moving out of the hotel she's been in since I first moved her at the beginning of July, dealing with a pressing legal issue, etc...Life has been a series of crazy, mind numbing and exhausting busy-ness.

On Monday I woke feeling that perhaps I was just ready to give up. Mentally I was drained dry.

"I really don't have to do this", I kept telling myself.

But this morning I sent my brave daughter off on her first ever sleep away trip. I won't share too much about this since this is her story, not mine, and I respect her privacy - but suffice it to say that she deals with some pretty intense anxiety issues - But recently she has faced some of these in ways that I admire more than I can express. She has surprised me with her courage and determination, even while I worry about the worst. And today I let her go and do her thing. I let her venture out onto her own journey to face her fears and to learn more about herself. And, as she walked off, I knew that I needed to do the same.

I have this little race on Saturday. This will be my last chance to get my WSER Lottery ticket. The pressure is on and I'm feeling the weight all too much. This will be my 3rd ticket, IF I make it. If I don't, then I must start all over. Starting over is something I'm not sure I can face...

This year has been rough for me. I have faced challenges that have crushed me...and I have managed to pull myself back up, time and again, and soldier on. But the fact remains that I am a changed person, both for good and bad, after all these challenges. Doubt seeps in through the cracks, newly formed, in my confidence.  And yet, I have also taken on new adventures that I may not have had I not fallen on my face a few times.

And so, for now I will focus on the positive and do my best. I will think of my daughter and myself, being fierce, because living life demands that.


The Things That Change Us

“The dangers of life are infinite, and among them is safety.” ~ Goethe Sometimes we never "go back" to what we were before....